When You’re Feeling Homesick

Just like Mom used to make!

It’s easy to feel homesick when you’re living abroad. It happens to everyone.  If you’re a new expat or a perpetual traveler, you will feel it at some point.  You know how in class the teacher always says that if you have a question don’t be afraid to ask because chances are other people have the same question? Well it’s the same with homesickness.

You are not alone; you are not the weak person who can’t bear to be away from the home you love and know so well. We all experience this feeling at some point (or multiple points) during the time we spend abroad.  Don’t be afraid to admit when you’re homesick.  Don’t be afraid to reach out to others for help.

There are plenty of tricks for alleviating homesickness.  If you have to, try them all!  Find what works for you and stick with it.  Granted, it won’t eliminate that overwhelming feeling entirely.  But hopefully it can stave it off for a while until you’re reminded of all the great reasons why you left home in the first place.

So what do I do when I’m feeling homesick?

1. Call Home

Skype is a God-send for expats.  It has never been easier to phone home across oceans and continents.  Computer-to-computer video conferencing is absolutely free and long distance calling is not prohibitively expensive (calling from China to the US is only $0.021 per minute).  On the occasion that I’m feeling homesick, I’ll make a few phone calls to my family and friends to catch up on events.  Just hearing their voices is enough to keep me going.

2. Exercise

I’ve found that going to the gym and running are fantastic ways to relieve stress and distract myself.  When I’m lifting weights or out jogging on the street, my mind is completely absorbed in the task at hand.  There are no other distractions to weigh me down.  I don’t think about all the work I have to do, I don’t think about rifts among my friends, and I don’t think about how much I miss being home.  All my troubles just melt away during that short time when I’m using my muscles instead of my brain.  And if I did it right, then afterward I’m too tired to worry about anything anyway!

3. Eat Food from Home

Food is a great way to remind yourself of home.  There are so many senses involved that sometimes you feel literally transported back to your kitchen table or your favorite eatery.  Cooking is one of my passions so it’s easy to motivate myself to make something Western and delicious.  If I’m feeling really homesick and I’ll slave over my grandmother’s pirogis or I’ll whip up a batch of my mother’s Hungarian goulash.  And sometimes I’ll even make a batch of chocolate chip cookies (my most recent effort is pictured at the top).  My parents weren’t big on baking, but for some reason a kitchen filled with the smell of freshly baked cookies just smells so much like home to me.

Even if you can’t cook it is becoming more and more easy to find foreign food worldwide (not to mention McDonald’s is EVERYWHERE).  Sure, it may taste nothing like what you usually have back home, but at least it’s not the food of whichever country you happen to be in.

4. Have a “Bashing” Session with Friends

This one is really just for letting off steam.  My friends and I go out to our favorite bar, order up a couple of gin and tonics, and relax.  Then we proceed to complain about all the things in China that have been annoying us lately.  Hence, we “bash” China.  I know it’s not the best method for curing homesickness, but it’s a great panacea for the stress and anxiety that can accrue when dealing with a different culture and language every day of your life.

And let’s be honest, there’s always something to complain about.  No place is paradise.  No place is completely without faults.  If there was such a place we’d probably all try to live there!  Even if it’s the most minor incident that happened a week ago, it feels good to not hold it in any more.  I liken it to mental vomit; it may me inconsequential, incomprehensible, or you may be overreacting.  Nevertheless, spending some time with your friends complaining about all the things that drive you crazy in a light-hearted manner is like therapy.  But be warned, if you find yourself complaining too much you might need to reconsider where you’re living.

What if these don’t work for you?

The above examples are simply the tricks I use to prevent homesickness from setting in.  In essence they are distractions to keep me from thinking about home.  Or in some cases, such as the cooking, to have a little bit of home with me in my life.  They all work great for me, and hopefully for many of you out there experiencing the melancholy.  But they won’t work for everyone.

You have to keep trying different things until you find what works.  Perseverance is key.  Sure, home is familiar and safe, but isn’t the place you’re at new and exciting?  Focus on the reasons why you are so far away from home; what made you decide to leave in the first place.  And then give it some time.  Elisa Bernick over at Expat Exchange writes:

So what can you do about homesickness? What if your kids are really bummed out about being away from their friends and their school? What if you become obsessed with life back home and being away from everything that is familiar? Truthfully, nothing but time will make homesickness go away completely. Eventually, your life will fill up with friends and activities in your new home and you will make peace with the minutes and hours that click by.

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